A young woman, riding the train home from work, encountered five unruly
children. Their father seemed detached and disinterested. She thought, “Why
doesn’t he do something? Can’t he see that the kids are disturbing everyone
around him?” Sensing her discomfort, the man looked at her and said, “I am
really sorry the kids are noisy. We are just returning home from their mother’s funeral.”
The young woman was immediately overwhelmed with compassion and understanding.
As catechists and teachers, haven’t we all encountered such situations?
When we encounter a difficult child or a “drop off” parent, our challenge is to respond
with the heart of Christ. Because of our limited ability to love, our starting point might
begin with a prayer which opens us to God’s limitless love: “Lord, help me to love with
your heart all whom I meet today.”
Building relational bank accounts
 When we have established Christ’s loving disposition as our own, it is important to
begin building a relational bank account with parents and children. Just like a financial
bank account or investment, the more deposits that are made, the more returns
on the investment. God’s love actively initiates love. Take these initiating steps:
- At your first meeting, explain to parents that you would like to work
with them to help their children grow more deeply in their faith.
- Invite them to complete a brief survey which would help you get to know
the children better. The survey identifies such things as their children’s
strengths and weaknesses, activities which they enjoy, difficult areas, physical
or emotional limitations, and successful discipline methods.
- Ask them to write about their hopes for their child’s growth in faith.
- Ask them to identify specific learning difficulties, and how they handle
them. Learn all that you can about these special needs.
During the course of the year,
continue to initiate God’s love:
- Offer periodic group activities
with parents that foster
a sense of welcoming as well
as a sense of community.
- Ask parents to share stories of
those persons who have helped
them in their faith journey. This
sharing will help affirm parents’
confidence as primary catechists,
build bridges with other parents,
and set the table for parents’
personal investment in a collaborative
effort with you.
- Listen to their hopes as well.
It may challenge the parish or
school to offer occasional parent
classes in such topics as family
prayer, stewardship, setting media
standards, or communicating
God’s gift of human sexuality.
- Ask parents to share with one
another how they apply Christian
principles of charity and justice
to guide their daily decisions.
Another way to build bridges with
parents is to affirm their children.
- With younger children, send
brief notes home acknowledging
a thoughtful act such as helping
another child pick up supplies
or using good manners.
- With older children or youth,
affirm them verbally in front of
their parents. Use specific rather
than general comments in order
to reinforce positive behaviors.
A healthy relational bank account
will help you talk with parents if you
have concerns in the future. The account
will help you and the parents
focus on resolving the concern and
not on fixing a “problem child.”
Responding to the uniqueness of each child
Jesus’ approach with children was “let
the children come to me.” Whether the children we encounter come to us
from a difficult home or have physical,
emotional, or mental special needs, we
must see them the way God sees them.
This means seeing children as gifts
rather than labeling them as problems.
We can begin by recognizing their
emotional or sensory
strengths and
weaknesses. At
the same time we
can help them to
appreciate themselves
as they are.
The beginning of
the year is a good
time to start a
session with a five
to ten minute “getting
to know each
other” activity.
- Invite the learners to name or
draw some things that are easy
and some things that are hard for
them to do. This conversation
starter helps them to appreciate
one other’s uniqueness.
- Play the game “I spy” with the
senses by introducing them
to a variety of sounds, odors,
touch, tastes, sights. Reflect
with them which of the senses
seemed easier or harder to
use in playing the game.
- Show pictures or photos portraying
various feelings: happiness,
sadness, anger, hurt. Ask which
feeling they identify with most.
Talk about some ways that
Jesus handled these feelings.
 For older children, it is important to
help them identify their emotional
strengths and weaknesses as well as
develop appropriate coping skills.
Ask them how they feel on a scale
of one to ten. One means feeling
lousy and ten means feeling great.
Invite them to record their feelings
in a journal or to share them aloud.
Discuss appropriate coping skills.
Selling relationships
There is a comic strip where a car salesman
has labored to match the client’s
needs to a certain car. He concludes,
“I’m not selling cars, I’m selling relationships.”
Jesus always responded to
people with special needs with love and
respect. As a catechist or teacher, when
we assume the heart of Jesus, build relational
bank accounts, and work to learn
the uniqueness of each learner, we can
transform the most difficult encounters
or persons who seem different.
RTJ
| Mark Ciesielski is an associate
director for the Offices of
Continuing Christian Education
and Youth Ministry for the Archdiocese of
Galveston-Houston. He is also a licensed
social worker in Texas and a single dad of
a beautiful seven-year old daughter. |
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